A constant stream of professional and personal growth has propelled the last year. So much has changed since I wrote the “Owning my Truth” post in the summer of 2021. 

Recently, I have begun to think about who I am outside of work. I am that guy who allows work to consume me, intrinsically tying work to my identity. The theme of 2023 has to be, “I am not my job; my job is not my identity.”

In October 2022, I had freshly relocated into a new spacious apartment; things were markedly better than in July 2021. I had succeeded in my work life, which led to being approached to co-lead an operationalization of a multi-million dollar product launch with my work. What initially started as a co-lead support role quickly became a sole-lead, project manager, supervisor, operations manager, director, recruiter, etc. You name it, I did it. I either owned or was deeply involved and responsible for every aspect of it except for building the product itself. The product wasn’t ready by launch day, but I was!

I was back to working from 6:00 AM EST to 9:30 PM EST Monday through Saturday, with some work happening on Sundays. I was one person with many deliverables, and there would be no one to point a finger at me. 

I was having the time of my life! I couldn’t have been more in my element if I had woken up and designed the situation myself. That experience reminded me of my capacity as a human being and professional and my immense ability to pull order out of chaos. It flexed muscles I hadn’t in years and muscles I didn’t know I had. It was one of my professional career’s most engaging, liberating, and celebratory times. I met every deliverable and handed off the complete operational day-to-day to the new manager. I had succeeded beyond my belief and the belief of others. It was a personal victory.  

As with most things in my life, it was multifaceted. This experience, which lasted from October 3rd, 2022, to April 2023, changed my pre-frontal cortex in ways I hadn’t realized yet. It awoke a slumberous side of me that put me on a new course in life. One, that for once, I knew my value. I learned my worth and capabilities should have been more appreciated in my current work environment. My current leader saw this, too, and offered me a promotion and an opportunity to apply my skills through a different lens. I gladly accepted this chance to realign myself to where my contributions were valued and appreciated.  

Another company acquired my company, and the acquisition has been a relentless beast, as are most acquisitions. I will not itemize or provide details; all I will say is that, to date, it is being poorly handled. Due to this, a vortex formed where a lack of direction existed from all angles. No one understood what happened next; there was no evident strategy, and no apparent captain was steering the ship. As a result, a lull settled over the organization where work, tasks, and projects were scarce due to ambiguity. So I found myself once again in a place where I went from long, crazy hours, immense satisfaction in my role, chaos, and too much to do to the sound of crickets. I responded poorly at first. I began to unravel, I lost purpose, I lost direction, and I became mildly unhinged. The ambiguity was not cutting it for me, and I wasn’t thriving at work.

I am always uncomfortable with lulls as they make me feel like I am doing something wrong. They make me feel like I should know what to do when there is nothing to do. Even when reaching far beyond my scope, I was hitting brick walls. It was simply a lull in work, not work avoidance, and I needed to lean in. My colleagues taught me to recognize the balance in the cycles of work. When things get heavy, busy, stressful, and chaotic, I am the first one with my hand up looking to help, and by doing so, I often work an excessive number of unpaid hours. So when the lulls happen, I take them as the universe balancing out the hours in an organic way. It makes sense, it is logical, it tracks. If a task arose, someone booked a meeting, or something popped up that needed working, I was around to handle it straight away. However, a task that takes an ordinary person at an average pace a week to complete will often be fully finalized within 2 – 4 hours. I am not bragging; it’s just how I work. I don’t waste time, I don’t overthink it, I take the task, break it down, pull in the pieces, edit, revise, and produce.

Efficiency is one of the things about my brain that functions differently. Pacing is not my forte; if I have a task that needs completion, I will ensure it gets completed in as little time as C.K. possible. A downfall for lulls? If I paced at an average, I might be in fewer lulls than I find myself. In any case, the lulls came, and I didn’t do well at first! With a lot of internal dialogue, I eventually learned how to lean in while always making myself available during my working hours; my hand was still up; there were just no bites.

It was here that the shift began! With a lull, you stay within your work hours. You work your 8 – 4, and you log out. I found myself a little lost once work ended, not even mentioning how lost I was during work. I began to refocus my energy on myself. What did I want to do with my evenings and weekends? What would bring me joy? What did that even look like? Was it mindless scrolling on social media? Well, I did plenty of that. Was it perpetually watching crime documentaries on various platforms? I exhausted that. What was something else I could do that brought me joy?

Well, my life has two great loves; one takes work, and one doesn’t. For some time, I had leaned into the lull and was anti-work and motivated in my personal life. So I turned to the joy that didn’t require work, that filled me up, nourished my mind and soul, and just helped me get lost in another reality. BOOKS! You can find some of the books I have read just this year on my books page. I have read 64 books this year. I aim to reach my target goal of 75. Reading is a great love of mine and always has been, especially if I need to disconnect and forget about it all. The authors that have taken up free space in my head this year are diverse, and the content of the books is equally expansive. That said, I do have a propensity for Suspense and Thriller novels.  

One of the critical updates from the “Owning my Truth” post in July 2021 is that my anxiety has improved significantly through exposure and repetition. The opportunity in October forced me to nearly forget about my fear of public speaking due to the nature of the work and my ownership in leading the charge. Whether it be client meetings, calls with C-suite, senior leadership, or V.P.s, my worries are a quiet tremor in the night. Exposure is the leading CBT technique anyone can employ to help create resiliency and minimize fallout over time.  

I no longer fear people knowing my truth or sharing it freely with someone struggling in their own right. I have somehow evolved in knowing I am who I am, and I love that! There is power in knowing yourself and accepting and loving yourself. That paired with age, people’s opinions of me mean nothing. What I think of myself matters, and I am confident in remaining a kind, genuine, well-intended person with a heart for others and a deep compassion. I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, growth, and personal evolution. That leads me to the purpose of this post.

As I have been growing and learning that my job is not my identity and I am not my job, I have also been realizing that I am capable of much more than simply working Monday to Friday for a corporation that undervalues my contribution. Earlier this summer, I began looking into different areas where I can apply my skills, capacity, and ethics that could place me in an additional revenue stream besides active income.  

Investing was one of those areas I began to divulge and become acquainted with, and so far, it has been good. I am no Warren Buffet by any stretch of the imagination. Additionally, my second love, my passion that does require work and concentration, is writing. I began to wonder what it would look like if I put the same energy and time into developing myself, my brand, and my writing endeavors. What would that look like? Would I be successful? Here’s where I landed. I don’t have to be successful to enjoy doing things I love. If I never make a dime, that’s okay. It could be better, but okay. Realizing that investing in yourself, your happiness, your joy, taking risks, and putting yourself out there is a far better avenue than pouring it into a thankless job is paramount.  

I still work with corporate, and I still give my best. I am programmed that way. I will still show up, give my best, and invest in the organization’s success. I believe in what the company can do, and its success means we have unique opportunities to impact people’s lives positively. However, I am also equally invested in my personal growth. As an operation, project, and change management specialist working as a consultant, I can use those skills to freelance and consult with other organizations. I am open to taking on projects that need the finesse I have to offer—additionally, refocusing on this blog and potentially monetizing it. Using this platform to promote other authors ties into my other passion, reading. It is an opportunity to create a cyclical joy machine. I write and put out, read and put in, and win on every angle.  

I am working on several manuscripts that provide joy and happiness, crafting feel-good fiction and a book on leadership. These are fueling my passion.  

I have learned to create a proper work-life balance for the first time. One where neither has to suffer. It is a place I never knew I would grow into, but here I am. The takeaway here is that I am all right, ready for whatever comes my way, big or small:

• Freelance consulting jobs on the side
• Working on my writing endeavors
• Contributing to this blog
• Earning passive income
• Promoting authors
• Reading more

The possibilities are endless.